Friends, let me tell you about Birdie Mae Johnson. She was what the city folk hypochondriac. Why not only was she sick but she doctored her whole family and anyone that got within grabbin distance. It was funny to watch her in the grocery store, She would walk in and everyone would scatter. They be running to get out of the isles she be gittin close to. It would look like a bunch of cockroaches scatterin when the lights come on. She be dressed to the 9s with her sick outfit on. She would wear men's white runnin socks, then men's shoes, a set of thick dungarees, T-shirt, then a flannel shirt, followed by a scarf and some type of wrap around her head that made her look like she had a 3 feet tall beehive hairdo. And that was just in August, yall should have seen the outfit she wore in the winter. One youngin tried to give her a nickel once with that outfit on when she was standin in front of the store. He thought she was one of those mechanical fortune telling machines you put your nickel in.
She even doctored her whole family. Her youngin Joe Don done quit school and joined the army to git away from her. He was 12 at the time. All that medicine she pumped into him made him look older because he had a full beard. They had a champion coon dog that done went and had a nervous breakdown. Po old dog all he would do was sit on the porch, cry a lot and try to meow. Funniest thing you ever heard.
Well one day she was in the Grocery store and overheard 2 women talking. That was putting it nice, actually she done crawled into one of the store shelves and moved boxes of cereal to hear from the other isle. She did that to hear about what kind of sickness they be talking about. She looked like a raccoon hiding in a tree stump there. Anyway one of those women got to takin about her husband going to the doctor. She said he went to get a full exam and had a proctological exam. She said her husband was ok.
Well Ol Birdie Mae got to thinking about that proctological exam and just new her prostrate was givin her trouble. By the time she was home she was done sick and going to bed. Her husband Joe Carl got home and was use to this routine. So he tried to stay hid but she found him. She told about all her ails and this new problem with her prostrate givin her fits. So he tells her he would git her appointment and take her to the doctor. So she goes to the doctor and Joe Carl stays in the waiting room. While he was there he sees a magazine article about a prostrate problem. Come to find out it was sumptin only a man has a problem with. Maybe women have good ones that don't give them trouble, I don't know.
Any way Birdie Mae and the doctor come out of the room. The doctor tells her husband to make sure that she takes one of these pills called "A N" once a day. He explained it was a new miracle pill that fixed up your prostrate if you took one a day. Well this steamed up ol Joe Carl big time. He thought that he had enough trouble with her invintin new sickness that he didn't need the Doctor to add to "problems". So he tells his wife to go ahead and go to the car while he settles the bill.
When she gets out of the room he asked the doctor "what you tell her she has issues with her prostrate? I got enough problems with her creatin new sicknesses"! The doctor told him he actually did him a favor. Those pills are just aspirins with the "spiri" scrapped off. You see when I checked her out she startin to have problems with her blood and heart. You can take an aspirin a day and it helps that. If she doesn't take them eventually she really will get sick and in the bed. You sure don't want to have to deal with her actually sick. Joe Carl said " no sir!! Thanks for that advice, I will be scrapin those letters off". Well ol Birdie Mae never did find out what a prostrate was. People be telling her what it was and she already had it in her mind what it was. And that’s the story of Birdie Mae.
