Oh.....Manure!
 
 
It's said that if you don't learn something every day, It's a wasted day!!!
 
So, here is your History lesson  for today!!!
 
An interesting fact ?  
 
Manure:  In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.  
   
 
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.  
 
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!  
 
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening  
 
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.  
 
Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.  
 
You probably did not know the true history of this word.  
 
Neither did I.  
 
I had always thought it was a golf term.

A Lesson From A Lawyer...
 
The United Way rep says "our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
 
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
 
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
 
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
 
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
 
"...or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
 
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
 
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

Sent to me by a fellow human possessed at present by feline and canine human owners... The canine one is very good about taking her for a daily walk.    
 
Pet Owners
 
 
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
 
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest..
 
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run..
 
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. However, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
 
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
 
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's behind. I cannot stress this enough.
 
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
 
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
 
(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
 
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...
.
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
 
As I had  been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.  
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
 
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't  twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
 
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
 
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.